she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
