I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Randomize
