how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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