My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
