I smell stomach acid.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
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My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
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Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I forgot wine drunk hurts
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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