At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize