drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
