you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
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