i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
