no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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