So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
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