she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Randomize
