Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
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