I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
