And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
