who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
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