I hope mine doesn't look like that
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Randomize
