SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
