I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.