my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
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If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
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Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.