I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
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I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
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They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked