he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
10 Things Your Gyno Wants You To Stop Doing To Your Vagina
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
For Some Reason, Boys Are Singing The ‘Halo’ Theme Song In School Bathrooms
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school