Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.