So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth