just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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