Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
