did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Barsexuality is the new black.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
