I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
