He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
i've created a new STD.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
