Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize