I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
