I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Randomize
