saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
