Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
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