I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
