The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
