So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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