please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
