Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
