I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I checked into jail on foursquare
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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