I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
