I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
