just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
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