dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
