youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Randomize
