if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
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