well I can't set my house on fire every night
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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