Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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