On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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