I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
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