Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Mom said you looked used
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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