Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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