The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
