woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
