I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
