Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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