Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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