I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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