clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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