just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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