garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
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