angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
