when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Come see our sink grown plant.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
