u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
