he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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