Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
