Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Randomize
